Rejection
I deal with rejection every single day.
Recently I have felt this nasty knot build up in my gut.
The slight thought of it instantly brings fear, hurt, irritation and annoyance.
I cannot even count how many times I have had to apologize to Kadin for my attitude lately.
Poor Kadin, he is so good to me showing me continual grace.
Well, the other day I spent some time with the Lord and I read:
"Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us."
Psalm 62:8
I read that and my heart ached.
How long has it been since I have really poured my heart out.
I mean, REALLY poured out my heart, lay everything on the table.
The answer is: too long.
I have come to realize that whether it's a month or a week, if I don't pour my heart out before the Lord I loose my vulnerability.
Slowly but surely my heart starts to build up it's guards.
This time fear crept in and got it's slimy fingers on my heart.
Fear of rejection started to take over.
I started to see with a film over my eyes.
When fear or hurt takes over it changes what you see.
You see out of fear or hurt.
So, whether someone was actually rejecting me or not I saw that they were.
I built a defense wall that consisted of hurt, anger, and pride.
I allowed my fear of rejection to become my expectation from people.
I expected people to reject me whether it was later on or in the beginning I knew it was going to happen.
I decided not to allow people past my defense wall because that would mean they could get to my heart.
If they got to close it could hurt like it did at one time.
"My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him."
Psalm 63:5
If we expect from our fears we are going to receive them.
If we expect from the Lord we are going to receive from Him.
I don't know about you, but I would much rather expect from the Lord.
It's so easy to ignore your fears, numb them out but when you do that your heart is starting to put up a defense.
The more time I spend pouring my heart out before the Lord the more He is beckoning me to walk in healing.
We are not defined by rejections, hurts, failures, the list could go on and on.
What ever it is, YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY IT.
That is not who you are, just like the fear of rejection isn't who I am.
It's time to get up from the sulking position of hurt, look to the heavens and start walking toward healing.
I believe with every part of my heart that a lot of times we just have to walk in something before we feel it.
Walk in forgiveness until you feel it.
Walk in freedom until the chains fall off.
Walk in healing until you can't feel that dull aching anymore.
So, here is to walking in healing for me.
I will be walking free of the fear of rejection because the blood of the lamb defines who I am and that is enough for me.
What should you be walking in?
