Rejection

Rejection

I deal with rejection every single day.

Recently I have felt this nasty knot build up in my gut.

The slight thought of it instantly brings fear, hurt, irritation and annoyance. 

I cannot even count how many times I have had to apologize to Kadin for my attitude lately. 

Poor Kadin, he is so good to me showing me continual grace.

Well, the other day I spent some time with the Lord and I read:

"Trust in Him at all times, you people;

Pour out your heart before Him;

God is a refuge for us."

Psalm 62:8

I read that and my heart ached.

How long has it been since I have really poured my heart out.

I mean, REALLY poured out my heart, lay everything on the table.

The answer is: too long.

I have come to realize that whether it's a month or a week, if I don't pour my heart out before the Lord I loose my vulnerability.

Slowly but surely my heart starts to build up it's guards. 

This time fear crept in and got it's slimy fingers on my heart.

Fear of rejection started to take over.

I started to see with a film over my eyes.

When fear or hurt takes over it changes what you see.

You see out of fear or hurt.

So, whether someone was actually rejecting me or not I saw that they were.

I built a defense wall that consisted of hurt, anger, and pride.

I allowed my fear of rejection to become my expectation from people.

I expected people to reject me whether it was later on or in the beginning I knew it was going to happen.

I decided not to allow people past my defense wall because that would mean they could get to my heart.

If they got to close it could hurt like it did at one time.

"My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him."
Psalm 63:5

If we expect from our fears we are going to receive them.
If we expect from the Lord we are going to receive from Him.
I don't know about you, but I would much rather expect from the Lord.
It's so easy to ignore your fears, numb them out but when you do that your heart is starting to put up a defense.
The more time I spend pouring my heart out before the Lord the more He is beckoning me to walk in healing.
We are not defined by rejections, hurts, failures, the list could go on and on.
What ever it is, YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY IT.
That is not who you are, just like the fear of rejection isn't who I am.
It's time to get up from the sulking position of hurt, look to the heavens and start walking toward healing.
I believe with every part of my heart that a lot of times we just have to walk in something before we feel it.
Walk in forgiveness until you feel it.
Walk in freedom until the chains fall off.
Walk in healing until you can't feel that dull aching anymore.
So, here is to walking in healing for me.
I will be walking free of the fear of rejection because the blood of the lamb defines who I am and that is enough for me.

What should you be walking in?

Truth in Love

Samuel.

Today I read about Samuel and Saul.

Samuel is the messenger, but more than the messenger he is the friend; the brother.

In 1st Samuel 15, Saul is supposed to go and take over the Amalekites and spare NOTHING.

If you don't know who the Amalekites are they are the people who attacked the Israelites on their journey to the Promise Land from Egypt. 

“Remember what Amalek did to you on the way as you were coming out of Egypt, how he met you on the way and attacked your rear ranks, all the stragglers at your rear, when you were tired and weary; and he did not fear God. Therefore it shall be, when the Lord your God has given you rest from your enemies all around, in the land which the Lord your God is giving you to possess as an inheritance, that you will blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven. You shall not forget."

Deuteronomy 25:17-19

They came from behind and attacked the weak. 

The Lord promises to give the Israelites rest and then blot out remembrance of Amalek.

Don't mess with God's chosen people.

So, here we are in 1 Samuel 15 where the Lord is fulfilling His promise.

Saul, anointed as King, is given a message from Samuel to take over Amalek.

Destroy EVERYTHING.

"Thus says the Lord of hosts: ‘I will punish Amalek for what he did to Israel, how he ambushed him on the way when he came up from Egypt.  Now go and attack Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and do not spare them. But kill both man and woman, infant and nursing child, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’”

1 Samuel 15:2-3

Spare nothing.

Samuel brings this message and off Saul goes.

However, when Saul returns he has destroyed all, EXCEPT:

The King, Agag, and 

the the best of livestock.

I don't know about you but I think "spare nothing" means two different things to Saul & the Lord.

But Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep, the oxen, the fatlings, the lambs, and all that was good, and were unwilling to utterly destroy them. But everything despised and worthless, that they utterly destroyed.

1 Samuel 15:9

Not only that but Saul proceeds to build a monument for himself.

Now the word of the Lord came to Samuel, saying,  “I greatly regret that I have set up Saul as king, for he has turned back from following Me, and has not performed My commandments.” And it grieved Samuel, and he cried out to the Lord all night. 

1 Samuel 15:10-11

Samuel grieved.

His heart was tender and invested in Saul.

Now He must speak truth in love to Saul.

It broke Samuel's heart to have to speak such an unbearable truth.

But, the truth is the truth and Samuel was obedient to the Lord.

Then Samuel said to Saul, “Be quiet! And I will tell you what the Lord said to me last night.”

And he said to him, “Speak on.”

So Samuel said, “When you were little in your own eyes, were you not head of the tribes of Israel? And did not the Lord anoint you king over Israel? Now the Lord sent you on a mission, and said, ‘Go, and utterly destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are consumed.’  Why then did you not obey the voice of the Lord? Why did you swoop down on the spoil, and do evil in the sight of the Lord?”

And Saul said to Samuel, “But I have obeyed the voice of the Lord, and gone on the mission on which the Lord sent me, and brought back Agag king of Amalek; I have utterly destroyed the Amalekites.  But the people took of the plunder, sheep and oxen, the best of the things which should have been utterly destroyed, to sacrifice to the Lord your God in Gilgal.”

So Samuel said:

“Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices,As in obeying the voice of the Lord?

Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,

And to heed than the fat of rams.

For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft,

And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.

Because you have rejected the word of the Lord,

He also has rejected you from being king.”

1 Samuel 15:16-23

I imagine saying that last sentence to Saul was one of the hardest things He has ever had to say.

You are rejected.

You are not accepted.

You have rejected the Lord's heart and now He rejects you.

I believe that while Samuel is saying these things he wants to scream,

"I still love you!"

"Why are you choosing disobedience?!" 

"Stop being full of pride Saul!"

The truth hurts.

Speak truth in love.

I believe that if you are not grieved in speaking a truth such as this you are not tenderhearted.

You should not be speaking that truth.

Samuel felt every pain that Saul was receiving.

Samuel chose obedience but He never lost his love for Saul.

Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice. Now therefore, please pardon my sin, and return with me, that I may worship the Lord.”

 But Samuel said to Saul, “I will not return with you, for you have rejected the word of the Lord, and the Lord has rejected you from being king over Israel.”

And as Samuel turned around to go away, Saul seized the edge of his robe, and it tore. So Samuel said to him, “The Lord has torn the kingdom of Israel from you today, and has given it to a neighbor of yours, who is better than you.  And also the Strength of Israel will not lie nor relent. For He is not a man, that He should relent.”

 Then he said, “I have sinned; yet honor me now, please, before the elders of my people and before Israel, and return with me, that I may worship the Lord your God.”  So Samuel turned back after Saul, and Saul worshiped the Lord.

1 Samuel 15:24-31

I can see the pain in Samuel's eyes as I read this.

He must choose to reject Saul as Saul rejected the Lord.

But it is all in love.

I never thought that a rejection could be so loving.

So loving that Saul worships the Lord.

Samuel speaks truth in love and is so obedient that Saul worships.

Samuel, sweet Samuel.

I want a heart like this man.

A man who is so rich in love and obedience that his rejection leads to worship. What a hope that the Lord allows Samuel to hold on to.

Samuel turns back to worship instead of bitterness and hatred.

The Lord knows what He is doing all we have to do is yield. 

Now Samuel must finish what was promised.

Then Samuel said, “Bring Agag king of the Amalekites here to me.” So Agag came to him cautiously.

And Agag said, “Surely the bitterness of death is past.”

 But Samuel said, “As your sword has made women childless, so shall your mother be childless among women.” And Samuel hacked Agag in pieces before the Lord in Gilgal.

 Then Samuel went to Ramah, and Saul went up to his house at Gibeah of Saul.  And Samuel went no more to see Saul until the day of his death. Nevertheless Samuel mourned for Saul, and the Lord regretted that He had made Saul king over Israel.

1 Samuel 15:32-35

The Lord ALWAYS keeps His promises.

Agag's comment makes my heart cringe.

"Surely the bitterness of death is past."

No, the Lord doesn't forget His people.

The Lord fulfilled His promise, and Samuel never forgets Saul.

I know this is super long but you must know that speaking truth in love is what we are called to do.

It is so easy to allow pride to dictate truth.

It's easy to know truth and speak it but without love it only causes hardened hearts.

Speaking truth in love leads to healing, restoration and repentance.

I'm not sure where Saul's heart was after that but I believe the Lord did not forget Him. We all make mistakes and allow our human nature to get the best of us. I believe that the Lord offers hope to us just as He did to Samuel when Samuel turned back to see Saul worshipping.

When we allow our hearts to be tender and vulnerable the truth might hurt, but it creates a new world of healing.

I often stop myself from saying something that I know is truth because, though it may sound righteous, my heart isn't right and until it is I cannot speak truth in love.

  So my friend,

Think before you speak truth.

Where is your heart?

Is it tender? Loving? Pure? 

If so, carry on and let truth reveal itself.

If not, lay your heart before the Lord.

Let Him reveal Himself and when the time comes to reveal truth you will know.

Naive or Innocent

To the pure all things are pure; 

but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure;

but even their mind and conscience are defiled.

They profess to know God,

but in works they deny Him,

being abominable, disobedient, and disqualified for every good work.

Titus 1:15-16

You say naive; I say innocent.

You say sheltered; I say pure.

How many times have you said or been told, "You are just naive."? 

Think on it for just a minute.

Maybe you know the person who is sheltered and naive or maybe that person was you.

I have been both, usually more on the receiving end.

This past week the Lord has brought up innocence to my heart several times.

As I read the word and go deeper with the Lord I realize, never once have read "Teach sexual immorality so we do not become sexually immoral."

Feel free to correct me if I am wrong, but from what I can recall I haven't read it.

I feel like today we try to teach people sexual immorality and make them aware of the evil in the world.

We decided that if we all know what is wrong we won't do it.

 But when you teach these things it fills your mind with them.

We are brought to the battle of "It looks fun. Does God not want us to have fun?" 

Another common association with sexual immorality "Everyone is doing it. It can't be THAT bad."

The Lord doesn't call us to KNOW sexual immorality so that we can see innocence.

The Lord calls us to be pure of heart so we can see evil.

When we teach innocence evil is revealed because our hearts are learning purity.

When we teach evil our hearts are learning evil and innocence is forgotten. 

Our hearts become so focused on the pattern of this world that we suddenly see in gray.

Our vision is clouded because evil has consumed our thoughts and it's hard to tell whether something is right or wrong.

Titus 1:15-16 speaks of false teachers.

Why are they false teachers?  Because they are defiled and unbelieving. 

They cannot see the pure because their vision is clouded by evil.

They claim to know God but because evil was taught they cannot tell the difference between innocence and evil.

Gray is all they can see.

This challenges my heart to seek innocence.

Being innocent doesn't mean that we are unaware.

It means we are MORE aware because if our hearts are innocent the evil is revealed.

Teach evil and innocence is forgotten.

Teach innocence and evil is revealed.

I have overcome the world.

There have been times in my life when I decided that I was walking into a battle.

You know exactly what I am talking about.

You are in a situation or about to walk into a situation and you gear up don't you?

You get ready for battle, you train your heart, and you make sure you have all your gear.

I am not going to lie, there are times when I spiritually feel like I am Arnold Schwarzenegger walking in about to overtake everything because I am ready for battle.

But then I walk into the battle zone and I don't know what the heck is going on, but I am ready to fight the good fight.

Yep, I am ready to overtake this land and claim it as the Lords.

You know you have been here.

Please tell me I am not the only one thinking that I am Arnold.

There was a time when I was geared up and ready to go as I just explained.

I walked into the "battle zone" and it was a mess.

So was I.

My heart is always in the battle and when the battle zone is a mess that means I am a mess also.

Here I am, Arnold Schwarzenegger, ready to take this land but then there is my heart right in the middle.

Now what?

I came to fight but my heart is right in the middle of everything.

It doesn't matter what I do, it is going to be destroyed.

So, the next few times I see the battle I am just struggling.

What do I do when my heart is in the middle and it's already feeling the bullets?

If I begin to fight also it's going to be blown to smithereens.

Then we are REALLY going to have a mess to clean up.

So, as I sit here and think on how much I prepared for battle I realized that I thought I was gearing up with my heart inside the shield but it was in the battle zone all along. 

Now what? We continue to try and protect ourselves. 

We push through and get hurt because we forgot the most important part. 

The heart.

What we are fighting for somehow gets lost in the middle of the battle zone.

But we push on don't we?

That is what I did. 

I pushed on and did start to feel better. 

I did what I knew. 

I didn't feel like doing it.

I felt like running away but once again, my heart was still going to be left behind.

Now, we have reached they end of the battle.

It's time to leave and my heart has bullet holes and wounds all over.

I do what I always do.

I run to my Papa. 

I cry out "Father God! Please heal my heart. I am broken and I need you to heal me."

Then I hear, "Sarah, I won the battle before you even thought about walking into it."

Every hurt melted off of me.

My Papa won the battle already.

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace.

In this world you will have trouble.

But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

We walk into so many situations like we are the ones fighting.

The battle is won.

Stop trying to gear up and prepare for battle.

You are forgetting your heart.

The battle is won.

The world lost, have peace.

Isaiah 61

Isaiah 61

I wish  you could see the page in my Bible that has Isaiah 61.

I almost took a picture and posted it because you can see that it holds a huge part of my heart.

I honestly am surprised  I can still read it because I have so many different marks, notes, and verses underlined.

There is so much power in the 11 verses of this chapter and it moves me.

This verse has been so crucial in every part of my life.

God revealed my calling in the first 3 verses. 

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,

Because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor;

he has sent Me to heal the broken hearted,

To proclaim liberty to the captives,

And the opening of prison to those who are bound;

To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,

and the day of vengeance of our God;

To comfort all who mourn,

to console those who mourn in Zion,

to give them beauty for ashes,

The oil of joy for mourning,

The Garment of praise for heaviness;

That they may be called trees of righteousness, 

The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified"

Isaiah 61:1-3

I know that this is for my heart. 

He has called me to Love. 

This verse is Love.

Then Father God uses this verse to redeem my heart and restore it.

"Instead of your shame you shall have double honor"

Isaiah 61:7a

No longer am I subject to shame. 

Shame is not in my DNA PERIOD.

That means it's not in your DNA either.

You are full of honor and not just one portion, DOUBLE portion.

Yep, believe it.

The Lord took your shame put it in a big fat ugly box and threw it farther than you could think of.

NO MORE SHAME.

And guess what else?

The Lord promised to keep me forever.

No matter who leaves me, or who chose someone else over me, God chose me.

He loves justice and the more we seek Him the more we point toward truth.

We are an EVERLASTING covenant with Him. 

FOREVER.

Nothing can compare to that.

I am a bond to the Lord.

Your heart is a connection to the Lord forever.

No matter what. 

He chose you.

"For I, The Lord, love justice;

I hate robbery for burnt offering; 

I will direct their work in truth, 

And I will make them an everlasting covenant."

Isaiah 61:8

Mercy is still alive

For judgement is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy.

Mercy triumphs over judgement

James 2:13

How many times do we forget about mercy?

How many times do we choose judgement?

When someone wrongs us or does something that is against the "Law of *Sarah*" (*Your name*) we instantly decide they owe us. 

They owe us, owe society, or even better owe the church.

Whether it is money, a life, an apology or even an explanation.

They owe us.

Wow, an explanation? 

I bet that makes you stop and think doesn't it?

It makes me think. 

If you are anything like me sometimes when I read something I go through the mental checklist.

Have I ever expected an apology, a life, money?

Nope, nope and nope. 

Well I'm in the clear!

(Obviously we know that's not true, but it is an example)

When I get to explanation my heart skips a beat.

Yes I have expected apologies before.

Maybe not money or a life but an apology, NO DOUBT.

 I honestly have expected explanations from people more than I could count.

Why do we need an explanation?

You and I both know it isn't to make sure they don't need prayer.

No, lets just be honest. 

At least 50% of the time it is so we can pass a judgement on what they owe.

Yes, we do it subconsciously, nonetheless we do it.

But what about mercy?

Mercy TRIUMPHS over judgement.

Mercy comes and demolishes judgement.

Mercy is still an option.

Mercy is still ALIVE.

 The way society has been formed around rules, laws and punishment causes us to lose sight of Father God.

My mind is frequently brought back to the shooting in Connecticut not long ago.

This guy shot several children and a teacher.

Everyone all over America decided in their hearts what he owed.

It was more than his life and he already took that.

But, what if He didn't? 

If the guy did not take his life there would be riots, protestors and mobs trying to assure that their judgement be fulfilled.

Would anyone have even considered Mercy?

No one would think that it is an option.

Mercy is ALWAYS an option.

Father God continues to show us mercy daily, hourly, even by the minute.

Shouldn't we take Mercy into account?

The Lord has been pressing mercy into my heart.

He says "Sarah, don't forget about mercy."

Now, I am here to tell you, Do not forget about mercy.

Before we pass judgement remember that mercy is still alive. 

Peacemaker

Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they shall be sons of God.

Matthew 5:9 (NKJV)

Recently I have discovered something  kind of amazing about the word peacemaker.

A lot of times we associate the word peacemaker with the sense that everything is at peace when a peacemaker is present.

Well, I have had this revelation that when peacemakers are present it doesn't always mean that everything is at peace.

Jesus is a peacemaker.

When Jesus is around tables get turned.

Jesus came into the world as a peacemaker.

People were uncomfortable with things that Jesus brought out.

Why?

Because Jesus brought truth.

He brought confrontation.

Right before you feel perfect peace in situations, relationships, and in your heart that there is a sense of chaos in some sort of way first. 

A peacemaker draws out the unsaid and sets it on the table.

Jesus did just that.

He brought the unsaid out and set it on the table for all to see.

Once we see the unsaid it's time to sort through it and decide if it is something we hold onto or something we throw off the table and move forward.

A peacemaker doesn't always reveal the unsaid with lectures, parables or a message, 

a lot of times it's the very presence of the peacemaker.

The spirit of the peacemaker tugs on something in our hearts to reveal the unsaid.

The heart of Our Father is peace in our lives.

He calls us to desire peace. 

I want peace in many aspects of my life but a lot of times it is rough ground to walk on before you find the pavement.

Blessed are the peacemakers,

For they shall be called sons of God.

Jesus is the son of God.

Jesus is the peacemaker.

As we desire to be like Jesus we desire to be a peacemaker.

Today, I just want to encourage you to remember that before peace can form,

 hearts have to be revealed.